Finally: And I Continue To Stare
by Lightning And Blossoms
Summary: Something kept scratching on my cheek- I could feel the nails dig into my skin. I ignore somebody calling my name- it could be my screams echoing. I've always been the strong one- but I'm only human. Something has happened- and I'm weak again, and I hate that. There's only one thing that can release me from pity's grips. Warning: NOT a Johanna/Finnick-relationship-in-love-fic!


Something kept scratching on my cheek. I could feel the nails dig into my skin- almost teasing me as the pain would be too much to handle internally, and in fact, hardly any blood at all would arise. Somebody is calling out my name. I ignore him- only half believing that I was imagining it. _But that doesn't matter: because nobody cares. All that matters is that if they can hear their own voice, at least they can go to sleep easier tonight,_ I think bitterly.

_That somebody may have been me,_ I eventually muse, _that could be me screaming._ Because it dosen't take long before I snap. Before everything happened almost at once...

My name began to be echoed through my own head. I was so muffled with thoughts and overwhelmed, it could've been my voice I heard in my head- calling my name out in mockery, or pity or _fear_. Fear in itself scares me. The fear of everything strikes me- almost pinning me down, because I'm _supposed_ to be the strong one. I cut my hair, survived the arena, found my feet walking backwards and forwards in the Capitol for my _pathetic_ 'job'...

I jump up, feeling the reaction _finally_ scraping my cheek; blood within my nails. I stare at it without surprise- of _course_ it was me doing that...

And the yelling that swirled around me, _finally_ reached a pitching point just as abruptly, somebody leapt onto me, with their weight collapsing onto my knees. I looked up sharply, frustrated at the tears choking my throat.

He hugs me and tells me the best news I've ever heard in my entire life. Finnick Odair is an angel to me then, sent from Heaven to tell me the good news in the middle of my pity feast-

I scoff at my irony- Heaven? I'm not sure if I believe in anything close to it, such as faith. But I suddenly believe in hope- or perhaps that's a blind vegence I feel now? That comparison doesn't matter; because the fact of it is that everything will get right in the future, and I won't stop until I know we've succeeded that.

I continue to stare at Finnick as he talks to me, and hugs me and doesn't stop moving. I don't have the ability to do anything but listen to him, and watch as warm tears fly like air-planes down his cheeks. I catch him talking about Annie. He's in love with her. They'll be safe.  
He keeps repeating that 'the rebellion has been sparked and we can officially do something!' And that I will be of good use to the Rebellion. That he'll always be there to help. For her. For me. For anybody- everybody.

Finnick knows me better than anybody. We're good friends, despite our dismay in our lives and lack of hope through the deaths through the hunger games. I love him- but only as a brother. I couldn't help that- as much as I tried not to care about anybody; so that I couldn't hurt anybody and they couldn't hurt me- but there was something _protective_ about Finnick and I: the second we met and our friendship was quick and was filled with muted understanding. And knowing that my help can take the Rebellion up to the job and up to the top, no matter what I had to do- I'll do it; especially knowing that Finnick and Annie will be safe together afterwards. And I realise that's the only faith I have in- them two.

So with shaky hands, I wipe my face and steel myself. I know life isn't going to get any easier and I'll need to be stronger than I have been to this point, to make it.

**_A/N: Quite funny. This idea of a one-shot didn't even occur to me completely until after I was halfway writing it. I just had a sudden inspiration to write this, and as I was writing about the third paragraph, I realised it sounded like Johanna, and as I kept writing, the idea became clear itself. _**

**_There's something you might not notice... but it's new... and huge... right under this one-shot is the comment/review button. Oh wait, it's not even a button anymore! If you type in whatever you thought of this one shot... whether you liked it or not, etc... warm joy spreads through me! Well, I'd really appreciate knowing what you think. Without any comments, I'd be lost to if anybody is even interested on this._**

**_Also... There's an important poll on my profile. I need as many people's input as I can get, because I'm completely conflicted! ~Lightning And Blossoms_**


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